Since dating apps were invented, people have been using them for various purposes. We all have different stories to tell, some of which had a happy ending, and some others, from which we gained a lot of valuable experience. One of our group members is sharing his experience with us today.
I am a 25-year old scholarship student studying in Budapest, Hungary. My life is hard: I go to school and I did part-time work to get money to travel back home. I worked for at least 2 months to save enough money so I can travel home. (As a student can only work 20 hours per week, so I couldn't earn much).
I was living alone and started to feel depressed due to the Covid restrictions and the pressure on me as an engineering student. In this situation, I realized I need a companion: someone I could hang out and share my feelings with.
I made a profile on Facebook dating to find someone and I matched with an Asian girl. I thought finally this could be it. Finally, she may be that someone I was looking for! She asked me to send her my Whatsapp number and I did so. We started talking. I wanted to take things very slow and try to get to know her better. But she didn't seem so much interested in me and would brag about her successful business and money instead.
I noticed this pattern that she was only talking about money, and she even showed me how much she had gained with some Forex trading. I was still not interested in money, but she told me that she would teach me this skill, which would help me improve my circumstances.
Since I had been doing part-time work (physical work where I lift and drag heavy weights up to 1 ton), I thought if I learned this skill, maybe I wouldn't have to do this job. I thought it would help me save time so I could focus more on my studies.
She kept pushing me forward fast and tricked me. She used my emotions against me and scammed me into investing money into Forex. First she made me install Meta trader 5 (it is an electronic trading platform widely used by online retail foreign exchange speculative traders) which I checked and was genuine, but the broker website where she forced me to make an account (Absa forex https://absaforex.com/) was a scammer. This I did not know so in the end I invested all the savings that I had kept to travel back home.
I am just an ordinary student, and not only did she use my emotions, but now I am also left with no money.
Anonymous Group Member
How could we avoid getting into such situations?
1. Be confident and know what you want!
These stories usually begin with power imbalance. That is, one of the parties is confident and knows what they want, while the other is desperate and seems easy to influence. The only way to avoid this is to work on yourself: remind yourself of your values and other life goals in difficult situations. Focus on what you are grateful for instead of concentrating only on the obstacles in your way. Talk to the people about them whom you already know well and trust. Keep in mind that you are still in control of your decisions and only you can find a solution to the problem. Be aware of your real needs and do not settle for less!
2. Set your boundaries and notice red flags 
!
There is a pattern that I have noticed regarding such situations. In many cases people have a first impression that they may not be compatible with that person for some reason. Despite this we often give a 2nd/3rd chance because some of our neds still get satisfied, for example we feel less lonely when we are with them. However, if we want to plan for the long-term, besides observing how we feel right now there are many other aspects too that we should look at. This is why it is totally understandable if we want to set boundaries, see what is comfortable for us, and when we feel ready for something. In a happy relationship the other person should understand it if you need time and respect your decisions.
3. Be patient!
If something seems too good to be true, that is usually not true. This applies to both relationships and other situations in life. For this reason it is important to always give yourself time to learn more about a new situation you've gotten into. If you want to do something that is outside your comfort zone, that is totally fine, as long as you do so after collecting enough information and when you feel ready deep inside too. Creating something long-lasting is a process, therefore it requires constant investment of energy for a period of time before you can benefit from the really big achievements. However, every little step you take might help you develop valuable skills.
All in all, it is necessary in every situation to keep our self-confidence at a healthy level and remember what our long-term goals are. If we are aware of our boundaries, that might also help avoid power imbalance in the new relationship and having to step out of our comfort zone when we don't feel ready yet. It is important to always give ourselves time to get to know our needs and learn as much as we can from a new situation.
If you found this article useful, please share it with your single friends along with the link of our group, which you can find below! Like our Facebook page so you can always see what is new! If you have any questions or suggestions, or you would like to share your dating experience with us, contact us!
The Conscious dating in Budapest team
https://www.facebook.com/consciousdatinginbudapest
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consciousdatinginbudapest@gmail.com
